We finally took our official first step on Saturday and mailed in our initial payment and first round of paperwork to Baker Victory Services. What a whirlwind week! The previous Sunday we had been welcomed into the Estes home. This FANA family greeted us with such warmth and unguarded candor. Their two children are just precious and we enjoyed playing with them as much as we enjoyed the adult conversation! The Estes were so easy to talk to. They immediately set us at ease. I learned that the wait time for adopting an infant from Colombia has increased significantly over the past few years, and that FANA is doing less adoptions a year than they used to. For this reason, they are taking on fewer new families. But, the good news is that every family that has entered the program has received a child. We left the Estes house feeling encouraged and excited to move forward with our own adoption.
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| Jamie and the Estes Family |
That Tuesday we met with the director of the program and another prospective new family. We were able to get all of our questions answered about the process, the expenses, the wait time, travel time, etc. I also feel that we walked out with a much better understanding of FANA's mission and expectations from member families. This is not just an organization that facilitates Colombian adoptions. It is a group of families that have made a lifetime commitment to supporting their children's cultural connection, providing support and resources for families who adopt and children who are adopted from FANA, and fundraising to maintain FANA in Colombia and allow the care of older children who are never adopted. Being a FANA family has so many benefits, but it is also a responsibility. The expectation is that your relationship with the organization does not end after your adoption, but instead, it begins with your adoption.
Membership requires a $100 donation a year and a commitment to fundraise $250.00 a year. Because FANA is linked to United Way, donations are tax-deductible and all of the money goes directly to the children in Bogota. The WNY chapter of Families of FANA (there are others around the world) organizes a few events a year for families, including a Halloween party, a holiday gathering, and a Spanish Summer Camp for kids. The major fundraising event each year is a golf tournament which involves a picnic, theme tray auction, and a whole week of festivities in July. Mercedes, the founder of FANA, visits the Buffalo area every year to attend the golf tournament.
While exciting, all of this information is a lot to process! The infertility journey is a private path of pain and frustration. You try not to have expectations, and there are no guarantees. The FANA path to parenthood stands in such sharp contrast to all we've experienced thus far. It is transparent, public, celebratory, and proud. It is not the only way to adopt, and it is very different from many other international adoption experiences. Through FANA, we will not only adopt a child, but an extended family that will help us to honor our child's story: who she (or he!) is and where she comes from.
After leaving the Tuesday night meeting, we talked about having this kind of responsibility to a larger group and decided that it appealed to us. We understand why it isn't for everyone, but we see it as an opportunity. This adoption experience will open the door to a lifetime of giving and receiving. It is a very beautiful thing. And...
Scary. As all change is. After we gave the verbal "go ahead" and committed to FANA, I experienced some intense anxiety. I decided to take my time with it. I didn't shut it out, but instead really sat with the feeling and explored it. This is what I found. All of the alternatives left me feeling the same way. I thought about adopting from another country with no support group, no expectations for involvement after coming home...and it wasn't what I wanted. I thought about adopting domestically and taking a baby home from the hospital, a few days after he or she was born. This idea didn't bring me comfort either. Even the thought of getting pregnant at this point was making my stomach churn. I was just anxious. It had nothing to do with FANA being the right or wrong choice. It had to do with making a choice. That's when I realized what a big deal this is.
I have a friend who married an older man and decided, because of his age, to try to conceive almost immediately after the wedding. She was so excited to get pregnant, but when she did...she cried. She was scared. And why shouldn't we be a little nervous when we find ourselves headed down an unknown road? We know that joy is waiting for us at the end, but the bumps in the road can't be predicted and there is no backing your way out of a pregnancy! Similarly, I have felt that once I make the financial commitment (which is substantial for us) to this process, I can't look back. So it is a major decision. The decision to become a parent, regardless of how it happens, is one that will change your life forever. When that child arrives, nothing will ever be the same again.
We are both ready to embrace that change. We are ready to be parents. Once I allowed myself to feel the fear and I acknowledged the gravity of the first step, I felt a peace come over me. Saturday morning, as I drove our packet of paperwork and that first big check to the post office, I was smiling. I was brave.
That night, we visited another FANA family's home for cocktails and a wonderful evening of laughter and shared stories. The Marazzo's will most likely be frequent characters in my blogs, as they have offered to be our "buddy family" throughout our adoption process. They have two handsome young sons and a beautiful home, not far from our own. We had such a nice time hanging out with them and another waiting couple, The Todoros, that is buddied up with them. These generous people, just like the Estes, make this whole thing real for us. Their willingness to share their experiences, their family and their homes with us has been such a blessing. Watching these couples with their children fills me with hope, again, for the family we will become.
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| The Todoros with their Colombian Cabbage Patch Kid- A silly gift from buddy, Kerri |
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| Playing with Mateo, Keri's older son |
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| Keri and Charlie |
