Spring was a blur of activity...all goodness, but such an abundance of events, meetings, and paperwork that I rarely had time to acknowledge what was past and finished before I was immersed in the next round of busy-ness! Along the way, I kept thinking that I needed to take the time to sit down and document the process and reflect on all that was happening, but in the rare moments when I did pause, I found my self closing my eyes and breathing deep. Too much of a good thing is still too much. This is what I've come to realize: Although my life is filled with so many people and things I care about, I need unscheduled time to fully appreciate and absorb the love and joy in living. One of the greatest gifts I received these past few months came in the form of a book. One of my blog readers, and a new friend, had the wisdom to read between the lines and sent me a book called "1000 Gifts." It is a book about gratitude and learning to see the beauty and everyday miracle in the midst of our imperfect, messy, hectic lives. The book has been such a wonderful reminder, to stop and notice- stop and breathe, stop and say "thank you."
Since my last blog, we attended our first Families of FANA annual meeting and dinner and met so many warm, friendly people who have adopted their children through FANA or, like us, are waiting to become a family. We also had our home study with a wonderful social worker who set us at ease and made the whole process easy and enjoyable. We even managed to survive the financial assessment, despite my considerable anxiety about it.
The actual home study visit was quite casual. Sue, our social worker, interviewed us together and asked us many questions about our experiences growing up, our relationship, the children in our lives, our jobs, our families...She had such a gentle manner, it felt like we were just chatting with a new friend. Sue was at our house for over three hours, talking with us. The scrubbing and scouring our home had endured for three days prior was completely unnecessary, but we really appreciated having a clean house in the days following the home study! I was preparing myself for a full inspection, but Sue just wanted to see the layout of our home. She walked through, briefly, at the end of her visit, chatting with us about the neighborhood, wall colors, our decorating style...It was actually kind of fun sharing our life like that!
Soon after that visit, we met with Jerri, the leader of our WNY Families of FANA group, and went over the next several rounds of paperwork that were required. And...that's when the crazy ensued!
So many have talked to us with trepidation about the paperwork, the waiting, the frustration of red tape...My philosophy has been to not look too far ahead, avoid "predicting" or trying to guess time lines, and just focus on the current task before us, thanking God for the NOW blessings as we live in hope for someday. But, I live this philosophy imperfectly. The paperwork is daunting. There are so many stages each document has to go through. Keeping track of each application and certificate, it's place in the process, and where it needs to go next definitely put my list making skills to work! Birth certificates and the marriage certificate had to be reissued by the county clerk's office that initially issued the document. So, for us, I had to gather documents from Erie County and Cattaraugus County in New York State, and Henrico County in Richmond, Virginia (my birthplace). After these new notarized reissues were sent to me, I had to send each one back out to their respective county clerks so they could sign off that the notary that had initially signed the document was legitimate. After each certificate came back to me the second time, now notarized and certified by the county, I sent each out a third time to the state department for an "apostille" stamp which shows that the state recognizes the legitimacy of the registrar who recognized the legitimacy of the initial notary! Are you ready to scream trying to keep up with this?!!! But, it was all right. We did it. One step at a time...
But, there have been a few stumbles along the path. Fortunately, we've been able to maintain a sense of humor as the laughable series of mishaps has unrolled. First, there was our psychological evaluation which came back glowing but named us Mr. and Mrs. Todoro on the second page and misspelled "Colombia" throughout the document. As we waited for that to get amended, we filed for I-800A approval only to get pink slipped because our home study wasn't detailed enough in the section that described our pre-adoption training, and we had sent a church issued copy of our marriage certificate rather than the county issued certificate. The social worker updated the home study and we re-submitted with the correct certificate and prayed they would accept the updated application. We have gathered all of our documents for the final dossier that will be sent to the Colombian government. The last missing piece is this I-800A approval code. Finally, last week, we received the long awaited approval notice in the mail! I opened it with great joy and relief and read out loud to Jamie, "...you have been approved to adopt a child from...P. R. China..." Wait. What? We aren't adopting from China. Yes, this was worse than misspelling Colombia. They had the wrong country! Another phone call to someone far away in a government agency office and we were back to the waiting game.
And while we were waiting for certificates to come back from various agencies, we worked on securing other necessary documents: a psychological evaluation (are we emotionally and mentally healthy?), medical letters (are we physically healthy?), FBI clearance (have we been previously convicted of any crimes?), adoption training completion certificates (10 hours of online training in dealing with the issues of adoptive families), employment letters (do we have a secure source of income?), and finally, the infamous "I-800A" or pre-approval for the visa that will eventually bring our child home. As a teacher in a high needs school, I often pause to wonder how different the world would be if all perspective parents had to endure such scrutiny. And yet, we understand the gravity of our request for a child. It is not to be taken lightly. We realize that we will not "save" this child. There are a line of hopeful adoptive parents waiting, should we fail to meet expectations. Rather, we've come to understand that the hope of this child is saving us. We are not giving the gift, but receiving it. So, we try not to complain, too much, as we jump through the hoops.
May 8th, 2012 brought a traumatic event for all of us in FANA- the passing of Mercedes, the Colombian founder of FANA. As I have written previously, Mercedes was a remarkable woman and we had been so looking forward to meeting her at this summer's annual golf tournament and fundraiser. Her passing was a great loss for the entire community and we celebrated her life through tears of gratitude at a crowded memorial service at Father Baker's Basilica in Lackawanna, NY. Hundreds of our Western New York Colombian children lined the steps of the alter, flowers in hand, to honor Mercedes and her commitment to them- her children, the children of FANA. It was such a moving experience. I only wish we could have met her once, just to look into her eyes and say "thank you." Her passion, her life's work, was to unite children and parents in the creation of families, to make magic, beauty and meaning out of what could have been despair and loss. She is the reason we, too, will be a family. And, although I will never meet Mercedes, I am ever aware of her role in our adoption story. The memorial service concluded with a breakfast at which it was announced that the Krulls, a couple who had waited over two years, were being offered a beautiful baby girl! They are currently down in Colombia with their new daughter, April, finishing up the adoption process.
June and July brought our first round of FANA fundraising events. This was our chance to see what the group was really about and how they work, long after they become families, to ensure the future of FANA in Bogota' and her in Western New York. But, don't let me mislead you. While the men and women of WNY's Families of FANA have the noblest of intents, they also know how to party! This is a sociable group of fun-loving, wine drinking, down to earth human beings who live to love and love to live. After the general membership meeting, we were invited to a very silly and surprisingly enjoyable "I ain't got no baby" shower, for all of the waiting couples. The FANA board recognized how many baby showers each of the waiting couples has had to attend over the years, always wondering if we were ever going to get a turn...This was their way of saying, "you WILL have your turn" and "we're going to start celebrating right now!" Each waiting couple has a "buddy couple" assigned to them- a couple who has already adopted and guides us through the process offering friendship, support and information as needed. Our "buddies" are Keri and Chuck. They are warm, wonderful people who open their home and their hearts to us again and again. The buddy couples attended the shower with us and brought us a few gifts. Some for now- a bottle of wine with the message "enjoy it now, while you still can!" and some for later- a beautiful baby blanket and a child's book about the adoption journey. We played some silly games, ate fantastic food, enjoyed some beverages, and laughed A LOT!
Next up, in mid-July, was the golf tournament, our biggest annual fundraiser for FANA, and a two week string of events! First, we attended a bag stuffing party where we helped fill the goody bags of over 200 golfers with a huge assortment of donated gifts and then lingered at Keri and Chuck's for another three hours of socializing! That week, I also went with several of the mom's and waiting mom's for an afternoon of manicures and pedicures before the golf tournament events. The next night was a cocktail party where we met Elena Martinez, Mercedes' daughter and the new director of FANA in Bogota'. Elena, as well as her father, husband and her two daughters all attended the week's festivities, mingling with the American families, and visibly enjoying themselves. Elena is warm and kind and beautiful in the way that glows from within. I loved watching her interact with her children and witnessing the love she obviously learned from her own mother.
The next event was the family picnic. Over 400 guests attended, with proceeds benefitting the orphanage in Bogota'. This event is kid-friendly with bounce houses, face painting, dancing, a rock climbing wall, theme tray auction, and a big picnic-like spread of food. Jamie and I volunteered that day, running the craft table and putting temporary tattoos on children of all ages! It was a fun day. We met so many adopted children and their parents, got to hang out with some new friends who are also in the adoption process, and...we witnessed our first referral. Elena and her daughters presented a couple from Pennsylvania, who had already adopted their son from FANA two years ago, with a large picture of their new daughter. It was very touching to see their joy and excitement.
The following day was the golf tournament. Jamie and I had already enrolled in a graduate course at UB, so we weren't able to be around to help out with the daytime activities. However, we contributed by attending the golf tournament dinner and silent auction that evening. We were joined by all four of our parents, Jamie's sister, Kelly, and her husband Mike, my childhood best friend, Erin, and our close friends, Cindy and Al Ripley. It was a very special evening for us, sharing an elegant event with family and friends, introducing them to our FANA friends, and showing our support for the group that will facilitate our adoption. And, remarkably, this event, too, ended with a referral! Allen and Clare are a young couple who we have met several times at various events. They've given so much of their time and energy to supporting FANA as they have waited to become parents. They found out that night, with all of us as witnesses, that they were about to fly to Colombia to meet their new five month old daughter. Clare saw me at the end of the evening and gave me a huge hug as she gasped, "Heather, it is so worth the wait. Believe me." And I do believe her. And despite small frustrations, I am so happy to be among the waiting.
So, this is where we are. Today we received our updated I-800A approval to adopt a child from Colombia. Tomorrow we will write a letter to Elena and the board of FANA explaining why we chose adoption from Colombia and why we want to be parents. We will choose 8-10 photographs to send along with the letter that will portray us as a couple, our home, the room the child will sleep in, our back yard...and then we will submit our documents to Baker Victory for translation into Spanish and forwarding to the Colombian government. I will try to keep everyone updated more frequently so my future blogs aren't so long and dense. It has been a wonderfully reflective experience to sit here with Jamie tonight, over a glass of wine, recalling all the details of the past few months' events. It has made us realize, again, how important it is to both of us that we record this journey. In the rush of action, we sometimes forget to stop and feel the miracle of all of it. Writing it down, sharing it with you, makes it real- makes us remember- this is more than paperwork. This is our birth plan. This is our pregnancy. We are expecting. So we wait.
So many have talked to us with trepidation about the paperwork, the waiting, the frustration of red tape...My philosophy has been to not look too far ahead, avoid "predicting" or trying to guess time lines, and just focus on the current task before us, thanking God for the NOW blessings as we live in hope for someday. But, I live this philosophy imperfectly. The paperwork is daunting. There are so many stages each document has to go through. Keeping track of each application and certificate, it's place in the process, and where it needs to go next definitely put my list making skills to work! Birth certificates and the marriage certificate had to be reissued by the county clerk's office that initially issued the document. So, for us, I had to gather documents from Erie County and Cattaraugus County in New York State, and Henrico County in Richmond, Virginia (my birthplace). After these new notarized reissues were sent to me, I had to send each one back out to their respective county clerks so they could sign off that the notary that had initially signed the document was legitimate. After each certificate came back to me the second time, now notarized and certified by the county, I sent each out a third time to the state department for an "apostille" stamp which shows that the state recognizes the legitimacy of the registrar who recognized the legitimacy of the initial notary! Are you ready to scream trying to keep up with this?!!! But, it was all right. We did it. One step at a time...
But, there have been a few stumbles along the path. Fortunately, we've been able to maintain a sense of humor as the laughable series of mishaps has unrolled. First, there was our psychological evaluation which came back glowing but named us Mr. and Mrs. Todoro on the second page and misspelled "Colombia" throughout the document. As we waited for that to get amended, we filed for I-800A approval only to get pink slipped because our home study wasn't detailed enough in the section that described our pre-adoption training, and we had sent a church issued copy of our marriage certificate rather than the county issued certificate. The social worker updated the home study and we re-submitted with the correct certificate and prayed they would accept the updated application. We have gathered all of our documents for the final dossier that will be sent to the Colombian government. The last missing piece is this I-800A approval code. Finally, last week, we received the long awaited approval notice in the mail! I opened it with great joy and relief and read out loud to Jamie, "...you have been approved to adopt a child from...P. R. China..." Wait. What? We aren't adopting from China. Yes, this was worse than misspelling Colombia. They had the wrong country! Another phone call to someone far away in a government agency office and we were back to the waiting game.
And while we were waiting for certificates to come back from various agencies, we worked on securing other necessary documents: a psychological evaluation (are we emotionally and mentally healthy?), medical letters (are we physically healthy?), FBI clearance (have we been previously convicted of any crimes?), adoption training completion certificates (10 hours of online training in dealing with the issues of adoptive families), employment letters (do we have a secure source of income?), and finally, the infamous "I-800A" or pre-approval for the visa that will eventually bring our child home. As a teacher in a high needs school, I often pause to wonder how different the world would be if all perspective parents had to endure such scrutiny. And yet, we understand the gravity of our request for a child. It is not to be taken lightly. We realize that we will not "save" this child. There are a line of hopeful adoptive parents waiting, should we fail to meet expectations. Rather, we've come to understand that the hope of this child is saving us. We are not giving the gift, but receiving it. So, we try not to complain, too much, as we jump through the hoops.
May 8th, 2012 brought a traumatic event for all of us in FANA- the passing of Mercedes, the Colombian founder of FANA. As I have written previously, Mercedes was a remarkable woman and we had been so looking forward to meeting her at this summer's annual golf tournament and fundraiser. Her passing was a great loss for the entire community and we celebrated her life through tears of gratitude at a crowded memorial service at Father Baker's Basilica in Lackawanna, NY. Hundreds of our Western New York Colombian children lined the steps of the alter, flowers in hand, to honor Mercedes and her commitment to them- her children, the children of FANA. It was such a moving experience. I only wish we could have met her once, just to look into her eyes and say "thank you." Her passion, her life's work, was to unite children and parents in the creation of families, to make magic, beauty and meaning out of what could have been despair and loss. She is the reason we, too, will be a family. And, although I will never meet Mercedes, I am ever aware of her role in our adoption story. The memorial service concluded with a breakfast at which it was announced that the Krulls, a couple who had waited over two years, were being offered a beautiful baby girl! They are currently down in Colombia with their new daughter, April, finishing up the adoption process.
June and July brought our first round of FANA fundraising events. This was our chance to see what the group was really about and how they work, long after they become families, to ensure the future of FANA in Bogota' and her in Western New York. But, don't let me mislead you. While the men and women of WNY's Families of FANA have the noblest of intents, they also know how to party! This is a sociable group of fun-loving, wine drinking, down to earth human beings who live to love and love to live. After the general membership meeting, we were invited to a very silly and surprisingly enjoyable "I ain't got no baby" shower, for all of the waiting couples. The FANA board recognized how many baby showers each of the waiting couples has had to attend over the years, always wondering if we were ever going to get a turn...This was their way of saying, "you WILL have your turn" and "we're going to start celebrating right now!" Each waiting couple has a "buddy couple" assigned to them- a couple who has already adopted and guides us through the process offering friendship, support and information as needed. Our "buddies" are Keri and Chuck. They are warm, wonderful people who open their home and their hearts to us again and again. The buddy couples attended the shower with us and brought us a few gifts. Some for now- a bottle of wine with the message "enjoy it now, while you still can!" and some for later- a beautiful baby blanket and a child's book about the adoption journey. We played some silly games, ate fantastic food, enjoyed some beverages, and laughed A LOT!
Next up, in mid-July, was the golf tournament, our biggest annual fundraiser for FANA, and a two week string of events! First, we attended a bag stuffing party where we helped fill the goody bags of over 200 golfers with a huge assortment of donated gifts and then lingered at Keri and Chuck's for another three hours of socializing! That week, I also went with several of the mom's and waiting mom's for an afternoon of manicures and pedicures before the golf tournament events. The next night was a cocktail party where we met Elena Martinez, Mercedes' daughter and the new director of FANA in Bogota'. Elena, as well as her father, husband and her two daughters all attended the week's festivities, mingling with the American families, and visibly enjoying themselves. Elena is warm and kind and beautiful in the way that glows from within. I loved watching her interact with her children and witnessing the love she obviously learned from her own mother.
The next event was the family picnic. Over 400 guests attended, with proceeds benefitting the orphanage in Bogota'. This event is kid-friendly with bounce houses, face painting, dancing, a rock climbing wall, theme tray auction, and a big picnic-like spread of food. Jamie and I volunteered that day, running the craft table and putting temporary tattoos on children of all ages! It was a fun day. We met so many adopted children and their parents, got to hang out with some new friends who are also in the adoption process, and...we witnessed our first referral. Elena and her daughters presented a couple from Pennsylvania, who had already adopted their son from FANA two years ago, with a large picture of their new daughter. It was very touching to see their joy and excitement.
The following day was the golf tournament. Jamie and I had already enrolled in a graduate course at UB, so we weren't able to be around to help out with the daytime activities. However, we contributed by attending the golf tournament dinner and silent auction that evening. We were joined by all four of our parents, Jamie's sister, Kelly, and her husband Mike, my childhood best friend, Erin, and our close friends, Cindy and Al Ripley. It was a very special evening for us, sharing an elegant event with family and friends, introducing them to our FANA friends, and showing our support for the group that will facilitate our adoption. And, remarkably, this event, too, ended with a referral! Allen and Clare are a young couple who we have met several times at various events. They've given so much of their time and energy to supporting FANA as they have waited to become parents. They found out that night, with all of us as witnesses, that they were about to fly to Colombia to meet their new five month old daughter. Clare saw me at the end of the evening and gave me a huge hug as she gasped, "Heather, it is so worth the wait. Believe me." And I do believe her. And despite small frustrations, I am so happy to be among the waiting.
So, this is where we are. Today we received our updated I-800A approval to adopt a child from Colombia. Tomorrow we will write a letter to Elena and the board of FANA explaining why we chose adoption from Colombia and why we want to be parents. We will choose 8-10 photographs to send along with the letter that will portray us as a couple, our home, the room the child will sleep in, our back yard...and then we will submit our documents to Baker Victory for translation into Spanish and forwarding to the Colombian government. I will try to keep everyone updated more frequently so my future blogs aren't so long and dense. It has been a wonderfully reflective experience to sit here with Jamie tonight, over a glass of wine, recalling all the details of the past few months' events. It has made us realize, again, how important it is to both of us that we record this journey. In the rush of action, we sometimes forget to stop and feel the miracle of all of it. Writing it down, sharing it with you, makes it real- makes us remember- this is more than paperwork. This is our birth plan. This is our pregnancy. We are expecting. So we wait.
