So, after the meeting we attended at Baker Victory in November, we immediately submitted a pre-application for adoption, online. In fact, we filled it out the same night as the information session. We were just so elated to finally have a plan. We tried to be patient, even while we checked our e-mail hourly, while we waited to find out what the next step was. But after a week with no response, we started to feel a little deflated. Two weeks later and we were the ones sending e-mails asking what our next step was, when we could meet with someone for more details, and what the timeline looked like. Finally, by the end of November, we had a pile of paperwork that we needed to fill out, and an outline of costs involved. I couldn't wait to get started. I organized all the papers into piles sorted by priority, decorated them with brightly colored paperclips and post it notes, put everything into a new folio I could carry from room to room in the house...I felt so empowered! We spent hours retracing all of our prior addresses, answering questions about our finances, setting up fingerprinting appointments, physicals...The work felt urgent and inspired. We were on a mission. In two weeks we had almost everything done and notarized. I even managed to work out our substantial down payment via a loan from my 403B and some help from my encouraging and enthusiastic mother. The money was in the bank, the checks were in the folio, my lawyer-brother-in-law notarized our documents and we were ready to go. We even scheduled our home study for over our Christmas break.
Part of our rush had been due to the age limit of 38 on Colombian infant adoptions. Jamie is currently 38 and will turn 39 in May. We were very concerned about getting everything submitted in time, before he passed the age limit. At the initial information meeting we had been told that it probably wouldn't be an issue if we started the process right away and had the wheels in motion while Jamie was still 38. So, when we finished our paperwork and then were told that no one from the agency could meet with us until January- I was scared and frustrated. We couldn't do the home study until we submitted the paperwork and non-refundable down payment. And, we didn't feel comfortable handing over that substantial check until we met with someone who could answer all of our questions. Fortunately, the head of the program was kind enough to call Colombia for us and get the details on the age limit. She assured us that waiting until after Christmas wouldn't hurt us at all. Because I am only 36, the Colombian government would be more lenient, and we could still get our home study done and everything submitted to them before May. So, we rescheduled the home study for March, set up an appointment with Baker Victory in January and rushed into the blur of the holiday season, hoping it would be one of our last without children.
After the commotion of Christmas passed, we were left with a quiet January and no new news. It was a time of waiting. I know that there is much more waiting to come, so I have been trying to be at peace with it. We will have a longer period of "expecting" than parents who conceive, but I believe that even this- the extended wait and practice in patience- is a gift. I can't help but feel grateful and so joyful about having something to wait for.
This week holds three small steps forward:
Tomorrow, we are meeting one of the "families of FANA." A couple who adopted their two children from FANA are welcoming us into their home to meet their children and share their experience. I am in tears just writing this. The kindness and generosity of these prior "strangers" moves me. They will give us a window into their lives and their family, just to provide us a little comfort, and a glimpse at our own future family. I am so grateful.
Tuesday, we will meet with the head of the FANA/Baker Victory program and another family who will be on the same adoption schedule as us. We will finally get those questions answered and be able to turn in that paperwork and get these wheels in motion.
Finally, next Saturday, another FANA family will welcome us into their home for cocktails and the beginning of a very important connection. This family will be our "buddy family" throughout our adoption process. As experienced FANA parents (they've adopted two children through the program), they will help us navigate and endure the long road ahead of us. Again, I feel so blessed to have connected with these people (through a mutual friend) who give so freely. What a gift they are giving us.
So, that's where we are. I should have much more to write after this week. Keep us in your prayers and know that we are incredibly grateful for all of the love and support we are receiving.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
The Magic of FANA
First of all, if you've visited this site before and already enjoyed one of my favorite Sara Groves songs "Might Be Hope," you can stop the music by clicking on the pause button at the bottom of the page! As a newbie blogger, it took me FOREVER last night to figure out how to put music on my page, but now the same song plays over and over again, unless you pause it! Oh, well...At least it is a good song!
So, writing again so immediately makes me feel a little silly, as if I have some inflated sense of self-importance. Yet, I think this is the purpose of a blog- to write. Yes? So, bear with me as I try to sort out what's worth sharing. I had a thought today: Perhaps, I am just journaling in public! I've always loved to write and I’ve never really found an outlet for sharing my writing. So, I guess this is exciting in that sense, too. I received so many supportive comments and I am so encouraged by all of you. Thank you.
One more housekeeping note, there seems to be a few kinks in the site (it is free, after all). The submit button doesn't always work for comments and e-mail addresses. Jamie found that just hitting return after writing his e-mail address was sufficient. Let me know if you can't get it to work and I will figure out a way to add you in from my end.
About Colombia...
The program at Baker Victory Services (BVS) is really special. First of all, BVS continues the legacy of Father Baker, a Buffalo native, hero, and eventual saint. Many of you Buffalonians are probably well aware of Father Baker's history in Buffalo. As a Pennsylvanian, myself, I am still reading up and learning about Baker's legacy. I found the following link to be very informative and inspiring.
Father Nelson Baker- The Apostle of Charity Needless to say, Jamie and I are proud to be somehow affiliated with this man and all that he contributed to our city.
Colombian adoptions at BVS involve a partnership with an agency in Bogota, the capital of Colombia, named FANA (a Spanish acronym for Foundation for the Assistance of Abandoned Children). FANA has such a beautiful history, as well. The agency was founded by a couple who also struggled with infertility. After adopting a child from Canada, because Colombian adoptions were so confounded with legal red tape, Mercedes Rosario Pineda de Martinez and her husband Arturo began taking Bogota's abandoned children into their own home. With the help of friends and family, they found homes for these children and adopted another daughter of their own, this time a Colombian child. The couple decided to dedicate their lives to making adoption easier in their country, for both the children who desperately needed homes and the couples, like them, who were anxious to become parents.
After running out of room in their own home, they rented a home for the children, moved again to a bigger house, and finally grew into a building next door to the house. All the while, Mercedes worked on establishing connections with government authorities who could help facilitate the adoption process and recognize the work she and her family were doing. Over the years, hundreds of volunteers all over the world contributed to the cause, including a group of Western New Yorkers who call themselves "Families of FANA." WNY's Families of FANA
In 1995, thanks to fundraising efforts from all over the world, FANA was able to move out of their crowded inner-city location and into a brand new two million dollar modern facility on three acres of land in the suburb of Suba. The Families of FANA website says that the facility, thanks to the funding of so many volunteer organizations, is now "fully owned by the children of FANA."
Today's FANA houses a modern medical facility that provides prenatal and delivery services to mothers in need, as well as an intensive care facility for new borns. FANA employs full-time physicians and medical personnel, as well. Mercedes, the founder, still runs the program and is responsible for "choosing families" for her many children.
The WNY Families of FANA group is comprised of over 350 families in this area who have adopted their children from FANA. They support each other and hopeful parents who will be traveling to Colombia, fundraise for the maintenance of the FANA facility in Colombia, and work to bring Colombian culture into the lives of the families who have FANA children. They organize cultural events, Spanish programs, and even return trips to Colombia. The families also fundraise to help local charities and children in need in the Buffalo area. This group has been together for twenty-two years and has a very strong and personal connection with FANA in Colombia. In fact, Mercedes Rosario Pineda de Martinez has frequently visited the group at their annual golf tournament and visits with the adoptive families and their children. One of my co-workers, who adopted her daughter from FANA several years ago, speaks of Mercedes with reverence. She sounds like an amazing woman.
It has been told to me that when it is time for a couple to be matched with a child, Mercedes reads your file and walks the nursery, looking at each of the tiny miracles. When she comes to the baby that "feels right," the match is made! Apparently, she has quite the talent for this matchmaking and the families speak of it with their eyes wide and bright. It is the stuff of folklore...A fairy tale ending.
This is the kind of magic I think I can believe in.
So, writing again so immediately makes me feel a little silly, as if I have some inflated sense of self-importance. Yet, I think this is the purpose of a blog- to write. Yes? So, bear with me as I try to sort out what's worth sharing. I had a thought today: Perhaps, I am just journaling in public! I've always loved to write and I’ve never really found an outlet for sharing my writing. So, I guess this is exciting in that sense, too. I received so many supportive comments and I am so encouraged by all of you. Thank you.
One more housekeeping note, there seems to be a few kinks in the site (it is free, after all). The submit button doesn't always work for comments and e-mail addresses. Jamie found that just hitting return after writing his e-mail address was sufficient. Let me know if you can't get it to work and I will figure out a way to add you in from my end.
About Colombia...
The program at Baker Victory Services (BVS) is really special. First of all, BVS continues the legacy of Father Baker, a Buffalo native, hero, and eventual saint. Many of you Buffalonians are probably well aware of Father Baker's history in Buffalo. As a Pennsylvanian, myself, I am still reading up and learning about Baker's legacy. I found the following link to be very informative and inspiring.
Father Nelson Baker- The Apostle of Charity Needless to say, Jamie and I are proud to be somehow affiliated with this man and all that he contributed to our city.
Colombian adoptions at BVS involve a partnership with an agency in Bogota, the capital of Colombia, named FANA (a Spanish acronym for Foundation for the Assistance of Abandoned Children). FANA has such a beautiful history, as well. The agency was founded by a couple who also struggled with infertility. After adopting a child from Canada, because Colombian adoptions were so confounded with legal red tape, Mercedes Rosario Pineda de Martinez and her husband Arturo began taking Bogota's abandoned children into their own home. With the help of friends and family, they found homes for these children and adopted another daughter of their own, this time a Colombian child. The couple decided to dedicate their lives to making adoption easier in their country, for both the children who desperately needed homes and the couples, like them, who were anxious to become parents.
After running out of room in their own home, they rented a home for the children, moved again to a bigger house, and finally grew into a building next door to the house. All the while, Mercedes worked on establishing connections with government authorities who could help facilitate the adoption process and recognize the work she and her family were doing. Over the years, hundreds of volunteers all over the world contributed to the cause, including a group of Western New Yorkers who call themselves "Families of FANA." WNY's Families of FANA
In 1995, thanks to fundraising efforts from all over the world, FANA was able to move out of their crowded inner-city location and into a brand new two million dollar modern facility on three acres of land in the suburb of Suba. The Families of FANA website says that the facility, thanks to the funding of so many volunteer organizations, is now "fully owned by the children of FANA."
Today's FANA houses a modern medical facility that provides prenatal and delivery services to mothers in need, as well as an intensive care facility for new borns. FANA employs full-time physicians and medical personnel, as well. Mercedes, the founder, still runs the program and is responsible for "choosing families" for her many children.
The WNY Families of FANA group is comprised of over 350 families in this area who have adopted their children from FANA. They support each other and hopeful parents who will be traveling to Colombia, fundraise for the maintenance of the FANA facility in Colombia, and work to bring Colombian culture into the lives of the families who have FANA children. They organize cultural events, Spanish programs, and even return trips to Colombia. The families also fundraise to help local charities and children in need in the Buffalo area. This group has been together for twenty-two years and has a very strong and personal connection with FANA in Colombia. In fact, Mercedes Rosario Pineda de Martinez has frequently visited the group at their annual golf tournament and visits with the adoptive families and their children. One of my co-workers, who adopted her daughter from FANA several years ago, speaks of Mercedes with reverence. She sounds like an amazing woman.
It has been told to me that when it is time for a couple to be matched with a child, Mercedes reads your file and walks the nursery, looking at each of the tiny miracles. When she comes to the baby that "feels right," the match is made! Apparently, she has quite the talent for this matchmaking and the families speak of it with their eyes wide and bright. It is the stuff of folklore...A fairy tale ending.
This is the kind of magic I think I can believe in.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
What a year for a New Year...
Hello, 2012! This is the year that Jamie and I will begin our adoption journey. It is not the year we will become parents, but we are at peace with that. Finally, after ten years of failed infertility treatments, a miscarriage and countless attempts to conceive (IUI, acupuncture, chiropractors, yoga, alternative healing, prayer, and yes...lots of "practice!"), we are going to do something that we are certain will result in parenthood- ADOPT!
We made the decision this autumn after going through another round of poking and prodding that resulted in no new information and no pregnancy. Our hearts were battered and tired. We have been together now for 15 years, married for 13, and we started talking about having children as soon as we began dating. We love children. We both teach elementary school music, so we are surrounded by kids every day, and as much as it sometimes breaks my heart, I think our students really helped sustain us during all those years of disappointment. We kept thinking...someday...But, we left that last appointment and didn't talk about any of it for a month. Then, in October, the week of my 36th birthday, we decided we were ready to take a different path.
I took a personal day on my birthday, October 3rd, and started making phone calls. I did an online search for "Buffalo adoption" and found five agencies that I was interested in. I sat on my back porch and dialed the numbers, feeling a slight tingling sensation spread over my body. I was scared. I was excited. I was....what was it? I was hopeful.
I gave my name and address to the secretaries and that was the end of the work for that first day. Soon the packets came in the mail with dates for information sessions. By this time, I had thought to connect with a friend of Jamie's and mine from college who adopted her two children. Her path to adoption was very similar to mine and she reassured me that adoption journey was, indeed, very promising. We made appointments and in November we attended sessions at three different agencies. The first two sessions were very similar. The leaders were nice, knowledgeable, and organized. However, there was something impersonal about the experiences. They were, after all, just general information sessions. We were also discouraged to find out that adopting an infant through foster care was more complicated and "messy" than we had naively imagined. The second agency did offer private infant adoptions, but they had only placed two infants in the last year and had a substantial waiting list. We had considered adopting an older child, but I woke up in the middle of the night soon after that discussion and blurted out, "Jamie- we need to have a baby." It was just so clear to me suddenly. I had waited and struggled for ten years to feel a tiny hand wrapped around my finger, to nuzzle a downy head, to stand above a crib and just watch the miracle of my child asleep. I wanted every minute I could get. I wanted a baby.
So, off we went to our third session at Baker Victory Services. It was a cold, dreary night and I was exhausted. I had a musical rehearsal after school, followed by parent teacher conferences. So, Jamie picked me up at school and we headed to South Buffalo, without dinner or much enthusiasm. We almost didn't go. But, this time was...different.
The room was bright and open, there was a sign in desk, four different women organizing things, a lawyer to talk about the legal aspects, a social worker to discuss the home study process...They had a large screen set up with a powerpoint. They even brought in families with their adopted children to tell us about their experiences! It was amazing. We had never even considered international adoption, mainly because I had assumed that we couldn't afford it, and we also wanted to try to help a local child. But, halfway through the Colombian presentation I was starting to get really excited. I looked at Jamie to gauge his reaction, fearing he wouldn't be on board with this sudden urge to change directions again. He met my eyes and whispered, "You know...we DO love to travel..." That was it. We were in. I can't really explain why it was Colombia or why we were able to just decide right then, without hesitation. It didn't hurt that the woman in charge of the Colombian program was warm, intelligent, passionate, and experienced. She adopted three children from Colombia, herself. We wanted someone like her guiding us through this new territory. And then there were the beautiful families we met. Their presence in that room made the idea real and tangible. We were going to be parents!
Whatever it was that convinced us, the feeling was mutual. We went home that night and filled out the pre-application online. We were both so joyful, for the first time in so many years. I remember being struck by the light shining through Jamie's eyes as we talked about it. Sadly enough, I almost didn't recognize it. He had spent so many years hurting, but there it was again...and it stayed. Over these past two months we have been joyful as we begin planning and filling out paperwork. We have a long road ahead of us and we know there are more frustrations and disappointments around the bend. The truth is, we haven't really even started yet. The paper work is filled out, but nothing could be submitted until the new year. Even so, the destination seems clearer than before. We can visualize our little family now. And thus, "The Heart of Hope" is named so to honor what was lost and is found again in the promise of a child...our child...at the end of this story.
We made the decision this autumn after going through another round of poking and prodding that resulted in no new information and no pregnancy. Our hearts were battered and tired. We have been together now for 15 years, married for 13, and we started talking about having children as soon as we began dating. We love children. We both teach elementary school music, so we are surrounded by kids every day, and as much as it sometimes breaks my heart, I think our students really helped sustain us during all those years of disappointment. We kept thinking...someday...But, we left that last appointment and didn't talk about any of it for a month. Then, in October, the week of my 36th birthday, we decided we were ready to take a different path.
I took a personal day on my birthday, October 3rd, and started making phone calls. I did an online search for "Buffalo adoption" and found five agencies that I was interested in. I sat on my back porch and dialed the numbers, feeling a slight tingling sensation spread over my body. I was scared. I was excited. I was....what was it? I was hopeful.
I gave my name and address to the secretaries and that was the end of the work for that first day. Soon the packets came in the mail with dates for information sessions. By this time, I had thought to connect with a friend of Jamie's and mine from college who adopted her two children. Her path to adoption was very similar to mine and she reassured me that adoption journey was, indeed, very promising. We made appointments and in November we attended sessions at three different agencies. The first two sessions were very similar. The leaders were nice, knowledgeable, and organized. However, there was something impersonal about the experiences. They were, after all, just general information sessions. We were also discouraged to find out that adopting an infant through foster care was more complicated and "messy" than we had naively imagined. The second agency did offer private infant adoptions, but they had only placed two infants in the last year and had a substantial waiting list. We had considered adopting an older child, but I woke up in the middle of the night soon after that discussion and blurted out, "Jamie- we need to have a baby." It was just so clear to me suddenly. I had waited and struggled for ten years to feel a tiny hand wrapped around my finger, to nuzzle a downy head, to stand above a crib and just watch the miracle of my child asleep. I wanted every minute I could get. I wanted a baby.
So, off we went to our third session at Baker Victory Services. It was a cold, dreary night and I was exhausted. I had a musical rehearsal after school, followed by parent teacher conferences. So, Jamie picked me up at school and we headed to South Buffalo, without dinner or much enthusiasm. We almost didn't go. But, this time was...different.
The room was bright and open, there was a sign in desk, four different women organizing things, a lawyer to talk about the legal aspects, a social worker to discuss the home study process...They had a large screen set up with a powerpoint. They even brought in families with their adopted children to tell us about their experiences! It was amazing. We had never even considered international adoption, mainly because I had assumed that we couldn't afford it, and we also wanted to try to help a local child. But, halfway through the Colombian presentation I was starting to get really excited. I looked at Jamie to gauge his reaction, fearing he wouldn't be on board with this sudden urge to change directions again. He met my eyes and whispered, "You know...we DO love to travel..." That was it. We were in. I can't really explain why it was Colombia or why we were able to just decide right then, without hesitation. It didn't hurt that the woman in charge of the Colombian program was warm, intelligent, passionate, and experienced. She adopted three children from Colombia, herself. We wanted someone like her guiding us through this new territory. And then there were the beautiful families we met. Their presence in that room made the idea real and tangible. We were going to be parents!
Whatever it was that convinced us, the feeling was mutual. We went home that night and filled out the pre-application online. We were both so joyful, for the first time in so many years. I remember being struck by the light shining through Jamie's eyes as we talked about it. Sadly enough, I almost didn't recognize it. He had spent so many years hurting, but there it was again...and it stayed. Over these past two months we have been joyful as we begin planning and filling out paperwork. We have a long road ahead of us and we know there are more frustrations and disappointments around the bend. The truth is, we haven't really even started yet. The paper work is filled out, but nothing could be submitted until the new year. Even so, the destination seems clearer than before. We can visualize our little family now. And thus, "The Heart of Hope" is named so to honor what was lost and is found again in the promise of a child...our child...at the end of this story.
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