Hello, 2012! This is the year that Jamie and I will begin our adoption journey. It is not the year we will become parents, but we are at peace with that. Finally, after ten years of failed infertility treatments, a miscarriage and countless attempts to conceive (IUI, acupuncture, chiropractors, yoga, alternative healing, prayer, and yes...lots of "practice!"), we are going to do something that we are certain will result in parenthood- ADOPT!
We made the decision this autumn after going through another round of poking and prodding that resulted in no new information and no pregnancy. Our hearts were battered and tired. We have been together now for 15 years, married for 13, and we started talking about having children as soon as we began dating. We love children. We both teach elementary school music, so we are surrounded by kids every day, and as much as it sometimes breaks my heart, I think our students really helped sustain us during all those years of disappointment. We kept thinking...someday...But, we left that last appointment and didn't talk about any of it for a month. Then, in October, the week of my 36th birthday, we decided we were ready to take a different path.
I took a personal day on my birthday, October 3rd, and started making phone calls. I did an online search for "Buffalo adoption" and found five agencies that I was interested in. I sat on my back porch and dialed the numbers, feeling a slight tingling sensation spread over my body. I was scared. I was excited. I was....what was it? I was hopeful.
I gave my name and address to the secretaries and that was the end of the work for that first day. Soon the packets came in the mail with dates for information sessions. By this time, I had thought to connect with a friend of Jamie's and mine from college who adopted her two children. Her path to adoption was very similar to mine and she reassured me that adoption journey was, indeed, very promising. We made appointments and in November we attended sessions at three different agencies. The first two sessions were very similar. The leaders were nice, knowledgeable, and organized. However, there was something impersonal about the experiences. They were, after all, just general information sessions. We were also discouraged to find out that adopting an infant through foster care was more complicated and "messy" than we had naively imagined. The second agency did offer private infant adoptions, but they had only placed two infants in the last year and had a substantial waiting list. We had considered adopting an older child, but I woke up in the middle of the night soon after that discussion and blurted out, "Jamie- we need to have a baby." It was just so clear to me suddenly. I had waited and struggled for ten years to feel a tiny hand wrapped around my finger, to nuzzle a downy head, to stand above a crib and just watch the miracle of my child asleep. I wanted every minute I could get. I wanted a baby.
So, off we went to our third session at Baker Victory Services. It was a cold, dreary night and I was exhausted. I had a musical rehearsal after school, followed by parent teacher conferences. So, Jamie picked me up at school and we headed to South Buffalo, without dinner or much enthusiasm. We almost didn't go. But, this time was...different.
The room was bright and open, there was a sign in desk, four different women organizing things, a lawyer to talk about the legal aspects, a social worker to discuss the home study process...They had a large screen set up with a powerpoint. They even brought in families with their adopted children to tell us about their experiences! It was amazing. We had never even considered international adoption, mainly because I had assumed that we couldn't afford it, and we also wanted to try to help a local child. But, halfway through the Colombian presentation I was starting to get really excited. I looked at Jamie to gauge his reaction, fearing he wouldn't be on board with this sudden urge to change directions again. He met my eyes and whispered, "You know...we DO love to travel..." That was it. We were in. I can't really explain why it was Colombia or why we were able to just decide right then, without hesitation. It didn't hurt that the woman in charge of the Colombian program was warm, intelligent, passionate, and experienced. She adopted three children from Colombia, herself. We wanted someone like her guiding us through this new territory. And then there were the beautiful families we met. Their presence in that room made the idea real and tangible. We were going to be parents!
Whatever it was that convinced us, the feeling was mutual. We went home that night and filled out the pre-application online. We were both so joyful, for the first time in so many years. I remember being struck by the light shining through Jamie's eyes as we talked about it. Sadly enough, I almost didn't recognize it. He had spent so many years hurting, but there it was again...and it stayed. Over these past two months we have been joyful as we begin planning and filling out paperwork. We have a long road ahead of us and we know there are more frustrations and disappointments around the bend. The truth is, we haven't really even started yet. The paper work is filled out, but nothing could be submitted until the new year. Even so, the destination seems clearer than before. We can visualize our little family now. And thus, "The Heart of Hope" is named so to honor what was lost and is found again in the promise of a child...our child...at the end of this story.
No comments:
Post a Comment