So, here I am. After a few weeks of a hectic work schedule and over-commitment, I finally have a day off. Jamie left this morning to travel to Albany with our county music educator's association. He will be lobbying to keep music programs in our schools- important work that makes me proud. And, while he's gone, I have some quiet time to myself. I made some breakfast this morning and teared up thinking about my friends and family. I get so busy with work that I sometimes lose touch with the people who mean so much to me. This weekend, amidst a full Saturday All County Chorus rehearsal and an APPR meeting, I was able to talk with my sister, my mom, and my mother-in-law on the phone. Jamie and I also were able to connect with my aunt and uncle who surprised us with a visit to Buffalo to do some shopping. And last night, we visited with some dear friends whose sons are our Godsons. All these relationships... the love I share with these people... Well, it "fills my cup," so to speak. So, I was making breakfast, thinking about all these connections, and of course, crying! I brought breakfast into the living room, turned on the TV and found some televised church sermon with a trio singing a hymn, and the tears started again! That's when I decided to give in. I did the next worse thing to watching a Hallmark movie. I grabbed a box of kleenex, turned the station to country music videos and sat on the couch with my coffee and tears for the next hour or so! I guess sometimes you just need to cry?!!
The thing is, I have been meaning to blog for about two weeks. Our adoption process is so slow and weeks or even months will go by where there isn't really any action to report. But, every day, there are shifts in me...
Conversations that matter, support from a friend, another piece of paperwork completed, a story like ours, an appointment made, or a letter that brings a small but significant miracle our way. Every day miracles are what keep us going, and our latest came in the form of a letter from Jamie's Uncle Jack. This is how it happened.
Back in January, we made our first large payment to Baker Victory Services. I know some people feel that sharing money details is too personal, and not necessary. But, I am surprised by how many people have no idea that the adoption process is expensive. We have found that our friends and family feel a little awkward asking, but they are curious about the costs involved. I've also recently gained a few blog followers who are looking into adoption, themselves. So, for that reason, I've decided to be forthcoming about this and disclose our expenses as they relate to my story telling.
When we started this journey, money was our biggest obstacle. We have not always been all that financially "responsible." We've always had enough money to pay our bills, and we have certainly enjoyed many luxuries in our life: traveling, going out with friends, enjoying food and wine, the occasional massage or pedicure, seeing Broadway shows, concerts, etc. However, we never had any significant savings, and over the years we have accrued a somewhat embarrassing amount of debt. When we started looking into adoption, we realized that we had to change our financial life. Last April (2011), I was introduced to Dave Ramsey's "Total Money Makeover" in the form of a book my school secretary recommended. I began my "debt snowball" that month and am making tremendous progress. However, the adoption expenses threw a serious wrench in my debt reduction plan. The first payment was $4075.
My mom loaned us the money so that we could get started right away. In the meantime, I began filling out paperwork to borrow from my 403B account for our next payment which will be due in late March or early April, after our home study. Borrowing from your 403B account is a great option, because you pay yourself back, with 6% interest. There is no fee if you make your quarterly payments on time, and all of the payments go directly back into your own account. So, I felt really good about this option. We were able to borrow $4500 and it has been sitting in my savings account, waiting to meet our next deadline. At this point, we believed the second payment was around $4,300, so we were all set, until we received our placement. The third payment is not due until you receive your placement and prepare to travel to Colombia. At that time, we will be expected to make a $10, 000 "donation" to FANA, cover our travel costs, accommodations, meals, etc. and pick up the remaining lawyer fees, paperwork costs etc. involved in bringing our child home. Because our placement won't happen for two to three years, we feel confident we will be able to improve our financial picture and cover these costs. But, honestly, these initial two payments have been very stressful. It feels like money we just don't have. Still, we have faith that together we will figure it out. You can not put a price tag on a child or the experience of being parents. People spend $20,000-$30,000 on a new car. We weren't going to let the cost deter us.
So, the next bump in the road came after our informational meeting in February. We received an updated list of expenses and found out we were $1500 short for our next payment. We didn't mention it to anyone, figuring we would scale back to minimum payments on our debts, put as much cash in savings as we could, and charge the remainder to a credit card. I knew we could do it, but it felt like a step backward. I haven't used a credit card in almost a year... But, as much as we want to get out of debt, we both agreed that our adoption process was the priority. This is where Uncle Jack enters the story.
Jack is Cheryl's (Jamie's mom) brother. He has been an important part of Jamie's life since he was a child. Jack lives in Reno and does not have children, but has had a dearly loved dog, Lily, for the past sixteen years.
We all know how those furry little companions become such a big piece of our lives. So, when Lily passed away recently, Jack was heartbroken. He wanted to find a way to honor the love he experienced while Lily was in his life. Instead of donating to the SPCA, or another charity, he decided to donate to our "cause." As he was saying goodbye to a relationship that had allowed him to care for, nurture, and share his life with another being, we were preparing to bring a new experience of love into our lives. Years ago, Jack and his partner, Fred, had purchased some gold coins. They had thought they might be worth something someday, and had joked with Jamie and his cousins that the coins might turn out to be their "inheritance!" Jack decided he would sell one of the coins to make a "dedication" to Lily and donate the profits to our adoption process.
He had no idea what a coin was worth, and we did not share any of our financial details with him. In fact, this blog will probably be the first time Jamie's family hears all these details!
Two weeks ago, we received a letter in the mail with a check for exactly $1,500. I was speechless. I found my notes from our adoption budget, made several weeks prior, and showed Jamie the number $1500 written and circled on my note pad. It was precisely the amount we needed. How could Jack have known? The timing of this gift was perfect. Little everyday miracles like this make me believe there is a God whose ability to love us is far beyond our understanding.
Another reason for tears...But, I am so grateful for these tears, grateful to Uncle Jack for his tremendous gift, and especially grateful for all I am learning and experiencing along this path to parenthood. I am constantly reminded of my blessings. There is so much goodness; so much love. All I need to do is slow down long enough to take it all in.
