A Little Update

Another summer has almost passed, and I have little to report. Yet, our lives have been full and happy while we continue to wait for our child. Here are some highlights from the last nine months (oh, if only that was truly my period of expecting)!

In December 2012, our friends the Todoro's received their referral at the FANA Christmas party. They traveled to Bogota in January 2013 to meet their beautiful little boy, Luciano. The Christmas party is a more intimate gathering at our director, Jerri Gernold's, home, so this was a very special event to witness. I will never forget the joy that transformed Andrea and Joe's faces as they comprehended what was happening. For those of us who adopt, this is a sort of "birth"- the moment you first see your child and understand that he or she is forever yours to love. It is a miracle. 

March 2013 brought the FANA general membership meeting, where all of us hoped another referral  would take place. Unfortunately, this was not the case. However, we did get a chance to talk with Adriana Chavez, the psychologist for FANA's "Hogar Marguerite d'Youville," a home for mothers in need. http://www.familiesoffana.org/colombia/hogar-margarita/

Adriana is part of the team that helps match parents and children for FANA. Jamie and I immediately felt a connection to this quiet, warm, observant woman. It was somehow reassuring to be in her presence, and we were once again impressed by the integrity, compassion, and intelligence of FANA's leadership. When we saw Adriana again, a few days later, for the Todoro's homecoming with little Luciano, she greeted us by name and with a big hug. We chatted while we waited for our new FANA family to get off the plane and then both shared our observations about little Luc and his parents. When it was time to leave, Adriana embraced me again and whispered quietly, "I hope you have your baby very soon." Her words and expression were so genuine and touched me deeply.

In early June, we began preparing for the FANA Annual Golf Tournament, our biggest fundraiser for the continued support of FANA in Bogota, Colombia. This year, Jamie and I were able to be more involved and we served as sergeants for the children's section of the silent auction. This responsibility was a big time commitment, but it enabled us to bond with the other families and to contribute more to the organization which will care for our child until we can. It actually turned out to be much fun! So many of our friends and family supported us through donations of goods and money. It is a wonderful event that we are so proud to be a part of. 

In July, we attended the family picnic that proceeds the golf tournament with my parents, my sister and her family, Jamie's parents, and our nephew Ryan. The picnic is a great opportunity for the FANA families to hang out together with grandparents, aunts and uncles, siblings, etc. It is kid friendly with bounce houses, games, face painting, etc. and includes a small silent auction of family themed baskets. Elena and her family and Adriana visit from Colombia for this event and the golf tournament. At the end of the picnic, they always announce the raffle and basket winners, introduce any graduating FANA kids and share their future plans, and then... there's usually a referral! This year, a Colombian family (living in the Bronx) received the referral. Elena presented them with a poster-size picture of their darling baby girl. It was a great celebration. 

The next day, July 15th, 2013, brought the FANA Golf Classic at Wanakah Country Club in West Seneca, NY. We arrived at 9am for set up of our section of the auction and stayed straight through until clean-up at 11:30pm. Our day was spent arranging, displaying and labeling our auction items. At about 4pm, we showered and changed into our evening wear. My childhood best friend, Erin, and her husband Dan, joined us around 6pm for cocktails, the live auction and dinner. I was able to connect with Adriana again while we enjoyed the live Colombian music and dancing. We talked about salsa and my love of dance and she offered to take Jamie and I out dancing when we visit Colombia! It was wonderful to talk with her so informally and share a few good laughs.

We joined Deny and Ali Adelman, another waiting couple we've become friends with, for dinner and had a really nice evening. At the end of the night, there was another referral for Gary and Erinn Blaser, a newer FANA couple. They are now the parents of a sweet little baby boy.  

Referrals are always emotional. This one caught everyone, including the couple off guard! Although we've all been told that the timing of the referrals cannot be predicted, the couples all seem to understand that there's an unwritten "list" of who's waiting and how long they've been waiting. There might be some solace if the referrals came in that same order, but that wouldn't allow for the true "matching" of parents and children. Ultimately, I think we all want that right match. But, for those who have been waiting (much longer than we have), it is difficult to be disappointed, yet again, when the referral isn't for you. Jamie and I had no expectations going into this event. We have been prepared for a long wait and are doing our best to keep busy so that the time passes quickly and painlessly. But, we felt terrible for several of our friends who have long passed their expected wait. It is hard. It hurts. There is nothing easy about any of this. Beautiful-yes! Meaningful-yes! Maybe, even "meant to be...," but, not easy. 

Gary and Erinn's little boy is the right match for them. When the little guy was presented, Elena even said something about how much he resembles Gary! We share in the Blaser's joy and are anxious to hear more about their travel to Colombia and the little boy who is waiting for them. 

The truth is, international adoption wait times are lengthening. The process is more complicated and arduous than it used to be. This summer we received notification that Colombia is no longer accepting applications for foreign adoption of healthy infants. Although this does not affect our standing (our application has already been approved and is in process), it does slow things down even more and make the future of FANA seem a bit precarious. Below is an excerpt from an Argentinian newspaper, sent to us by another FANA member, that addresses the changes in Colombian adoption:

The Colombian government has temporarily suspended the acceptance of requests from foreign families seeking to adopt children up to six years old. Exceptions have been made  for children with a disability and those of an African or indigenous descent.

The sanction seeks to manage 377 applications from Colombian families and 3,506 applications coming from abroad, which are registered on the waiting list to adopt a healthy child under the age of seven and without siblings.

The measure was announced at the first meeting of central authorities in respect of international adoption, which is taking place in the city of Medellín, hosted by the Colombian Family Welfare Institute (ICBF).

Director of the ICBF, Adriana González, stated: “We are guaranteeing and prioritizing adoptions to domestic households, and in the context of subsidiarity, are successfully carrying out the most progressed ongoing processes from foreign families, who want to provide all the love and warmth of their homes to Colombian children in need.”

Representative of the Hague Conference, Laura Martínez Mora, who supported the measure, said that “this will allow the ICBF to work better with biological parents and respect the international principle of subsidiarity, taking into account that in Colombia, there is a large number of candidate families willing to adopt children less than seven years old.”

“This decision is a part of our obligation to safeguard the interests of children,” González concluded in a press release.

The meeting in Medellín was attended by governments of Andorra, Belgium, Canada, Colombia, Denmark, Spain, USA, Finland, France, Holand, Italy, Norway, Sweden and Switzerland. Chile and Guatemala were present as observer countries.

So, where does this leave us as autumn of 2013 begins to announce its arrival?

We are renewing our paperwork and updating our home study for the upcoming year. This is an annual process that is necessary to keep our documents current. Upon careful reflection and the strong suggestion of FANA and our social worker, we have changed our request to include a child up to the age of 35 months, as well as a child with a mild, medically-correctable special need. These are actually small changes, but they may open the window for a referral of a child who has been trapped in the system for awhile.

We are confident all will be as it should be and we are still optimistic and at peace with our journey.

Lately, I've begun praying for the birth mother of our future child. It is quite possible that she is currently pregnant, or that our child has already been born and is waiting at FANA for us until she or he is legally free to adopt. None of this is ours to know at the moment and we are at peace with that. Still, there is this feeling, already, of great gratitude for the gift some unknown woman, thousands of miles away, is giving me. She will make the most difficult, painful decision of her life, and through her  sacrifice, create a family- our family. She is my sister, my friend, my blessing- and I love her. 

Yes, already...I love her and her child. 

There is a calm strength in me now, a preparedness that I could not have known before learning to wait. You might call it acceptance, but it feels more active than that word. I am ready. 

For whatever lies ahead, I am ready.