August 23rd, 2013- I logged on to type an update and found this unpublished entry I had written in December of 2012:
"There is a love and a logic
That stand behind all things,
And the poet in me sees
How artistically appropriate it is that
That unspeakable power would express itself
As a child born in straw poverty.
That is why I am a Christian."
Bono
My friend, Beth, recently sent me this quote and it echoed my own Christmas reflections of late.
A child shall lead the way...
Words will never adequately serve to convey the grace of children.
I watch them with reverence as they enter my classroom this time of year.
A Christmas tree, glistening with tiny white lights stands in the corner of the music room.
I turn out the lights, turn on the tree and wait, a twinkle in my eye, as a second grade class advances down the hallway.
"I have a surprise for you..."
It never fails.
The gasps of delight, the wide-eyed stares....
"A Christmas tree?!!"
"How did that get in here?"
"Is it real?"
"My mom bought a tree that is silver and it changes colors with a remote control..."
"Yeah, well my tree is way bigger than this one; it's bigger than my dad!"
"We don't have a tree," says one little boy, quietly. I put my hand on his shoulder and bend to whisper,
"Now you do. This is our tree."
We decide to leave the lights out and we practice our songs for the all school Christmas Carol sing along. We dance with scarves to the Waltz of the Snowflakes. We do some serious work on the bass line to Jingle Bells, deciding together when the chords change from Tonic to Dominant. And then...I pass out the ornaments. As I sing the goodbye song to each child, they put their ornament on the tree and line up at the door.
This has become one of my traditions. And so, the Christmas season begins.
I feel fortunate to work at a school where Christmas celebrations are still allowed. We are a diverse population; there are 14 languages spoken and several different cultures represented among our students. The families are predominantly Christian, but we do have some Muslim families and one Jehovah's Witness family, that I am aware of. In the music room, we try to honor and celebrate many of the cultures represented at our school. I never want to push my beliefs on a child full of his own family's faith, but I do want to share the magic that is such a large part of American culture. The families of our students seem to be of the same heart. They, largely, encourage their students to be part of the cultural experience, the magic and the music, if not the religious traditions of the holiday. And so it is, every year, that my children at school renew in me the radiance of wonder, hope and innocent acceptance.
This holiday season, I am increasingly and almost painfully aware of the children in my life. As we keep inching our way toward our own little one, I am struck again and again by the gift this child will be. I'm anxious to share my own traditions such as grandma's sugar cookies, the Santa Claus Lane parade, Christmas Eve on Heritage Hill, and of course the warm glow of a decorated tree. But, even more than these, I long for the universal joys: snowflakes on eyelashes, tiny boots lined up next to mine by the back door, a hand to hold as we cross a snowy street, fighting off the cold over steaming suppers shared in a cozy kitchen, as a family. These are the joys awaiting- the wonder of the season witnessed anew through the eyes of a child. This will be Christmas.
But, back to the Bono quote. "That is why I am a Christian." That last line haunts me. For some time, I didn't know if I should really call myself a Christian. My religious views have evolved throughout my adulthood into something more progressive and liberal than I believed would be permissible in the Catholic church of my childhood. Jamie and I have always been seekers. We've attended many different churches throughout our 15 year marriage. Always we gravitate towards warm, loving communities who share our desire to connect with and experience God in our daily interactions. We've attended church not because we believe our God requires it, but because we yearn for the sacred time dedicated to living love and the helpful reminders and lessons that provoke our thoughts and conversations about how best to do this. Despite all of this, we had been churchless for almost two years as this holiday season was approaching.
Perhaps it is impending parenthood that rekindled my interest, or I had just been without for too long. At any rate, I found myself once again seeking a place to worship and inexplicably drawn back to the Catholic church after fifteen years away. It might have been a longing to reconnect with my "roots," the understanding that my family's history (at least on my mother's side) is tightly laced together by Catholic ceremonies and traditions, or even the knowledge that Colombia (the country of my future child's birth and cultural inheritance) is predominantly Catholic, but whatever the impetus was, I found myself at Saint Joseph's University church for the beginning of advent. Saint Joe's is very close to our home, so it was convenient, and a few like-minded friends had recommended it to me as "not your ordinary Catholic church." Sounds interesting, right?
I was hesitant at first, even distrusting. I do not go to church to judge or be judged and I was afraid that the dogma of Catholicism might overshadow the beautiful memories I had of singing hymns with my grandmother or kneeling serenely to humbly open my heart to God. However, my experience at Saint Joe's has been a pleasant surprise. Even Jamie, raised Methodist and vehemently opposed to the discrimination Catholicism has continued to support, feels comfortable in this church. It seems to be a very unique parish. The priest has a doctorate in religious music and is skilled at utilizing expressive and engaging music, speech, drama, and art to communicate the message of Love. Father Jack's sermons are openly progressive and liberal. The community is accepting, warm and non-discriminating. Oh, and I haven't even talked about the children! There are so many families that attend regularly. We love to watch them interact, to see their interest in what is happening, to hear them sing with their parents, or run down the aisle to meet Fr. Jack for the children's message. This place is precious. I honestly feel as though I have stumbled on a little piece of heaven here. I would never have guessed that a Catholic church such as this exists. But, it does, and Jamie and I find ourselves looking forward to Sunday mornings in a way we never have before. The timing couldn't be more perfect- the story of a long awaited child who changed lives with his great love...The gifts of this Christmas are abundant.
What joy we have awaiting us. What love.
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