Catching Up!

The past six weeks have been an absolute whirlwind of activity. Because we had truly believed that there wasn't a chance of us getting a referral until at least July 2014, we had filled our May and June schedules to the brink. Our busy life, full of meaningful work with children and respected colleagues, time set aside for family gatherings, performing commitments, a long distance running training schedule, and social interactions with a wide circle of valued friends, has been a refuge for us as we've waited all these years for the opportunity to start our "next chapter"- parenthood! When this opportunity appeared so unexpectedly we were overjoyed...and overwhelmed! We had cleared our schedules for July and on into 2014-2015. But, up until that point we were over committed! As we struggled to complete our school years, honor as many commitments as we could, and add in the adoption paperwork, nursery decorating, baby showers and travel preparations, we entered a whole new realm of being. Every moment counted and we were counting every moment! Late nights, early mornings, packing as much as we could into a day and praying it would all get done. The past six months has been a real eye opener as we've realized that our time and energy has new limits. We've learned to say "no" when necessary and also reminded each other, again and again, that we can't continue to live at the pace we've become used to, with every moment scheduled, now that Eli is on the scene. It has been humbling, to say the least! I'm exhausted, overwhelmed, emotional and yet...so full of gratitude for this whole experience. I'm guessing most of my mommy friends are nodding their heads, acknowledging that this crazy cocktail of mixed emotions isn't far off from what most mothers feel at the end of every day! So, perhaps, I am better prepared than ever for motherhood. Ready or not...the time is here! I've come to understand that I can spend my energy lamenting everything I meant to get to or had hoped to do, or I can embrace the moment I'm in and give myself the gift of compassion. We are human. We are beautiful and complicated and imperfect, and it can be grand when you just let yourself go with it! Oh, trust me...I've had my meltdowns! Thank God, only Jamie and the walls have to bear witness to that mess! But, today, as I sit in the Atlanta airport, surrounded by our luggage, waiting to complete our journey to Colombia, our journey to our son...I'm so full of joy. I am "in" Love.

My last entry journaled up to Mother's Day, May 11th, 2014. So, here's a summary of weeks between then and now:

Monday, May 12th-Sunday, May 18th, 2014
This week, we registered for shower gifts at Target and Buy, Buy Baby. This was in response to much prompting by friends and family who were miraculously pulling together two work showers (Holmes Elementary and Lindbergh El.) and a Holden family shower, all before our tentative departure date of June 23rd. Although the name "Buy, Buy Baby" is off-putting, I have to say I appreciate the friends who steered me toward this store. The customer service was outstanding and Elena, the lovely young woman who ran the registry desk, spent two hours guiding us through the store and helping us figure out what we needed for our seven month old son. This is the week when my lack of sleep officially caught up with me! I also lost my voice for a full four days, which made teaching music next to impossible! Of course, it was the week of our 3rd grade Spring Concert, so I had to direct rehearsals and the performance.
On Wednesday, I went to see my doctor who gave me a light dose of Ambien and told me I needed to get some vocal and bodily rest. We also met with Jerri at Baker Victory Services and received instructions for filling out the infamous I-800 paperwork, and eventually secure visas for our little international family! The paperwork was intense and involved three time-sensitive packets to be filed in consecutive order. We came home and went right to work. The first step was completed by 11pm that evening, so I took my medication and headed to bed. Since I still wasn't able to speak, I decided to take a sick day, Thursday, and just go into school to run the rehearsal for the 3rd grade show which was on Friday.
Although I was quiet Thursday morning, I still had to be productive. We are a one car family, currently, so I dropped Jamie off at work and then headed straight to Fed Ex to rush round one of the paperwork to USCIS. Then, I was off to my school, Holmes, to suffer through rehearsal. Thank goodness my friend and colleague, Donna Feathers, who teaches 3rd grade recorder, helped me through. She does a beautiful job with our kids and is a pleasure to work with. By 11:30am, I was back in bed where I slept like a baby for several hours. The rest of the evening, I allowed myself to lay low and rest. It was actually this evening that I wrote the last blog entry on Holden Hope, and then went to bed early. This was a day of recognizing and accepting my limits.
Friday, I was back to work for two performances of the 3rd grade "in-formance," What Would the World be Like Without Music? After school, Jamie and I came home to a large package at the back door. My dear cousin, Mark and his lovely wife, Kelle, sent us the most generous gift...My dream jogging stroller for little Eli: The Baby Jogger Summit X3. I don't know who was more excited about this, Jamie or I! I had really hoped that we could afford a decent running stroller, as the distance training has been such a source of stress relief for me and I'd love to keep running, once Elias comes home. Mark and Kelle knew how important the running has been to me and jumped right in, as soon as they heard about Eli, and decided to get us this thoughtful gift. This was the first of so many instances to come where the kindness of friends and family simply stunned us. Jamie is running again, too, so this was a gift for both of us, but I think he was more excited about putting it together than actually running with it! He got such a kick out of assembling it in the living room and steering it around the house...the making of a happy memory.
Saturday morning, we started our day with a yummy breakfast at home (my husband is a dream in the kitchen!) and then a six mile run at Delaware Park, where we scoped out all the running strollers and moms and dads. We are so looking forward to being one of them! Back at home, we went to work on the basement- cleaning and rearranging so we could store items that were in the extra bedroom down there and make room for a nursery! My voice was finally starting to return and just in the nick of time. Sunday, in addition to being Jamie's 41st birthday, was my final concert with the Buffalo Brass big band, before our trip to Colombia. We celebrated Jamie's birthday with respect for our adoption budget, but still had a wonderful day: Breakfast at Bob Evans, a new bike seat for Jamie, a trip to Home Depot for more supplies for the basement project, and finally dinner at Milkie's Elmwood Lounge with the Holdens, followed by the Buffalo Brass concert. Although it wasn't a particularly glamorous day, Jamie said it was his best birthday yet. He has the only thing he's really wanted for years...He has a son!

Monday, May 19th-Sunday, May 25th, 2014
Early in the week, we received confirmation that USCIS was acknowledging receipt of our I-800 application. We also made a phone call about our FBI fingerprints and asked if the process could be expedited to ensure our travel in June. On Tuesday, during my lunch break at school, I called FANA in Bogota for the first time and was able to talk to the Coordinator of the Department of Children, Lorena Panqueva Hoyos, MD. Lorena was incredibly friendly and kind as I stumbled over my words and asked for an update on Eli. She was so reassuring and told me that he was doing incredibly well. The cranial synostosis that they had been watching for no longer seemed to be an issue, and she stated that his head was now growing as it should be and that he was developing properly for an institutionalized child his age. She called him a "healthy boy" and told me that all he needed was his parents! These are the questions I asked her during the first and second phone calls I made, and the answers I received:
Is he using a pacifier? No, we don't believe in using them here at FANA.
Does he have a favorite toy or blanket? He has a little rabbit he loves.
How is his hearing? Good. He responds when he hears noises and he even is starting to respond to his name.
What size clothes is he wearing? 6-9 months
How much does he weigh? 15.9 lbs
Is he trying to crawl? He is trying to pull himself along, but not crawling yet. 
Can he turn himself over? Yes.
Does he sit up himself? Yes for a little bit and he is trying to grab the crib and pull himself up.
Does he have teeth yet? No, but he is salivating a lot now, so we suspect he will start teething soon.
Is he making consonant vowel combinations? Vowel combinations, but no consonants, yet.
Does he sleep through the night? He is going to sleep around 7 or 8pm. We wake him at 11pm for a bottle and then he goes back to sleep until 6am, when we wake him again for a bottle. He also naps from 12:30-2pm.  
 How many bottles does he take a day?  Five bottles a day: 7am, 11am, 2pm, 6pm, and 11pm. He also is eating many foods, compote style.
Any allergies? None yet. 

You can imagine how wonderful it was to hear all of this! I made arrangements to call again the following week, when Jamie could join me. Lorena was so happy to talk to us and anxious for us to come to FANA for our son. We found out in the second phone call that she had been a FANA child, herself, and decided to come back and work for a cause so dear to her heart. She also told us that she would be the one to present Elias to us when we arrived at FANA in Bogotá. Talking to her made it all feel so real. She was a live connection to our little boy.

Back at home, the basement work continued throughout the week. Jamie's parents and our friend, Jeff Trenchard, pitched in and helped us Dry Lock the basement walls. Dick Holden also came over and installed a much needed new garbage disposal under our sink, and my mom spent the weekend with us and helped me clean out the extra bedroom, patch the walls, clean the wood floors, and paint the room. On the work front, my formal observation happened in a complete blur, but I was happy to check it off the list and move on!

In the midst of all of this, we squeezed in Jamie's first half marathon! His friend Matt Sciara and I joined him for the Buffalo Half on the morning of Sunday, May 25th- also the day Eli became 8 months old! Jamie beat his personal goal and finished the race in 2:06. I was so proud of him! My mom joined us for breakfast at Costa's and we were back to work in the most of the nursery and basement work and set up Eli's crib, a gift from my parents, and our glider. What a productive weekend! It felt so good to have this time to devote to our family and our home!

Monday, May 26th-Sunday, June 1st, 2014
On Tuesday, May 27th, we received our I-797C-Notice of Action in the mail. This is a notice telling us that our I-800 is being reviewed for approval. However, they had misspelled Eli's name. His given Spanish name is Elí Lopez Ramirez. The I-797C listed him as EIT L. RAMIREZ. Obviously, an accidental typo, but we had to have it fixed or it could cause us issues later on when his documents didn't match. The funny thing about this is that the first time we filed for our I-800A, which is the version you file before you know the identity of the child you are adopting, we received an I-797 Notice of Action saying that we had been approved for the adoption of a child from the People's Republic of China! All that's fine and good, but we were adopting from Colombia, which is on the other side of the world...Just a little detail, but an important one! This time, Jamie made a phone call and they got back to us the next day via email saying that they would contact us within 48 hours about the mistaken name. By Thursday, May 29th, they had corrected the name and the application had received preliminary approval and was passed on to a supervisor for finalization. This was great news as the I-800 process often takes much longer. In this case, that typo was a gift! Because they had to pull our file to correct the mistake, it received attention right away. We were so pleased to find out that our official approval notice was expected to arrive by Monday or Tuesday of the following week.

In other news, when we had set up our Lolly and Me crib, we found some shipping damage on one of the side rails. I called and asked for a replacement rail and they immediately shipped us a whole new crib, within the week! The damage was very small and could easily be repaired with a slight sanding and touch up paint, so we passed the first crib on to my parents and now they have a place for Eli to sleep when he comes to visit.

We had already received so many gifts from friends, colleagues and students at Lindbergh and Holmes. We started writing thank you notes this week and never stopped until the night before our flight to Bogotá! Our little Eli is being welcomed into our world with so much love and celebration! It is a joy to witness the happiness his story is bringing to our circle of friends and family.
This week, at school, was NYSSMA solofest, so I had "practice auditions" with some of my former Holmes students who are now in middle school and high school and continue to see me for assistance with their solo singing. My friend and colleague, Angela Ziegler, and I were also preparing 15 elementary students, after school, for Buffalo's first Shea's Junior Theatre Festival. Jamie was preparing for a gig with the Lake Effect, the men's a cappella group he sings with, and chaperoning the Spring Chorus Concert at Lindbergh.

On Thursday, May 29th, we signed up for our new family health insurance plan and added Elias James Holden to our coverage! After school, we talked again with Lorena at FANA and received an update on our son. This time we learned that they had just cut him back to four 6oz. bottles of formula a day. We also found out that he does receive exposure to music via a specialist who comes in weekly to sing and play for the children. Lorena said that she is also a singer and frequently sings to the kids! She told us our son is beautiful and that he is doing very well. She expressed her desire for us to get to Colombia as fast as we can so that we can be united with Eli. She said, "All he needs is you!"

Friday, after school we attended NYSSMA SoloFest at Kenmore East High School with several of my students and then made a quick trip to Olean, NY to see our nephew, Malachi, perform in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat with the Theatre Workshop group I grew up in. My family met us there and we were able to grab a quick ice-cream with them after the show.

Saturday, I bolted back over to NYSSMA for another student before packing up for the Niagara Falls Women's Half Marathon with my childhood best friend, Erin. We had planned this event, Erin's first half marathon, back in October 2013, and Erin had been training since January for her first half marathon. I was so happy to be able to do this with her and it was the perfect relaxing get away after an overflowing week. We called it Erin's early 40th birthday celebration and got a hotel room and went out for a nice dinner the night before the race. We were definitely feeling our age when we agreed to turn out the lights at 8pm and get a good night's sleep before our 13.1 mile run on Sunday morning. But, sleep was exactly what we both needed and wanted to do with our time! At home, Jamie got to bed early, too, and got some much deserved rest from my endless "to do" lists! Erin did a  fantastic job and we met her goal for the race. By the time I got home on Sunday afternoon, Jamie had hung new blinds in Eli's room and hung the curtains my mom had trimmed with material from his quilt. We both took a rare and luxurious late afternoon nap, then grabbed groceries and cleaned the house just in time for the boys from TLE to show up at the house for rehearsal. Another late night, but at least I was well rested!

Monday, June 2nd-Sunday, June 8th, 2014
I started the week with more running! My school participated in a fantastic program called Girls on the Run for the first time this year. I was a buddy runner with one of my beautiful 5th grade students, Eman Hasson. The girls had been training since April for a 5K and the run was coming up that weekend. Eman and I ran her practice 5K on Monday and she rocked it! I sang her pop songs (inserting her name in silly places) whenever she started to feel tired and she promised herself she was going to finish the race even if it wasn't easy. I had some really meaningful conversations with this young woman throughout her training. I shared with her that running has taught me how to be uncomfortable and be ok with it, to keep moving forward and trusting that it will get better if you just keep moving. So often, in life, I think we have tendency to shut down or give up when things feel overwhelming or unpleasant. But, running proved to me that I can move through difficulties, that "this too shall pass," and that it is not only normal to feel uncomfortable at times, but it should be expected. Sometimes, that discomfort is just you standing at the edge of what you thought you could do and pushing into a place, a strength, you didn't even know you had inside of you. Eman understood this and would talk to me about it. This is why I love working with kids. They are so open to life and curious about experience. They want to know, to discover, to learn... I hope I never stop being a kid at heart.

Monday, after the practice 5K, we met with Jerri in Orchard Park and went over the travel packet and were told we could start looking into plane tickets for June 21st! Our I-800 provisional approval also arrived today.

Tuesday was the final rehearsal for the Shea's Theatre Festival, followed by another trip to Olean for Malachi's end of the year performance in the "The Granny Awards," in which he played the big, not-so-bad, wolf! It was a lot of time on the road, but I left Olean feeling so grateful for my family and even more excited to introduce Eli to the crazy crew!

Wednesday, I sat in for Buffalo Niagara Youth Choir auditions. I will be conducting the Buffalo section of the Concert Choir (grades 3-7) next year. I'm very excited to be joining the BNYC team and Jamie is looking forward to having "boys night" on Tuesday evenings with Eli, while I'm at rehearsals!

Thursday was our first baby shower at Holmes Elementary School, followed by the Lindbergh Elementary shower on Friday morning! Jamie and I were overwhelmed by the generosity and kindness of our colleagues. During such an intense and stressful time, it meant so much to us that our Ken-Ton community gathered together to support us. With the abundance of items purchased from our registry and the incredible monetary gifts and gift cards given to us, our work friends made it possible for us to properly prepare for Eli without having to find the time to go shopping, and financially covered the cost of our visas for travel to Colombia! We will always be grateful for the way both schools so graciously embraced our family and our adoption journey.

Friday started out on a high note with the Lindbergh shower. I took the day off to finish organizing the nursery. Jamie had taken off just the morning to come home and help me unpack and sort gifts, but I happened to check my email and realized that we were supposed to have completed "packet 3" of our paperwork and book our travel to Colombia today! There had been a lack of communication between Jamie and I, due to our crazy schedules, and all of the sudden we were falling behind. The day's agenda changed quickly as we set aside the gifts and rushed to book our plane tickets for the 21st. We decided, within an hour, on where to stay in Bogotá and sent an email requesting reservations at the Plentitud apartments at La Fontana, all before Jamie returned to work at noon.
I spent the rest of the day wrestling with the paperwork for packet 3 and making phone calls to various government agencies, e-mailing Jerri and our friend, Lisa Fontana Tierney, for help and filling out paperwork. Jerri had hoped I could get everything to FedEX by the end of the day to be delivered to the Colombian Consulate on Monday, but I ran into some issues that were out of my hands. We were unable to log into the website for the DS-260 form which constitutes "packet #2," and the form to request a visa that was supposed to be found on NYC's Colombian Consulate website was nowhere to be found. Jerri finally had to send me a pdf copy which I filled out and mailed in.
It was very complicated and stressful, but I kept reminding myself that every form, phone call and email was putting me one step closer to my sweet boy.

Saturday, Jamie, Angela and I spent the day with our fabulous Holmes kids at the Junior Theatre Festival. It was a welcome break from the paperwork which was at a stand still, anyway, and the kids did a wonderful job. Sunday was the Girls on the Run 5K with Eman and the Holmes team and then Jamie's last TLE rehearsal at our house (new location once Eli arrives) and another late night paperwork party to wrap up everything in Packet #3 and ready it for Fed Ex on Monday morning.

Monday, June 9th-Sunday, June 15th, 2014
I overnighted all of the packet #3 paperwork from Fed Ex on Monday morning and prayed they would expedite our visas so that we could have them on time for our travel on June 21st.  It is hard to explain without going into boring and tedious details, but the travel had to be booked before we could apply for the visas. However, we can't travel until we receive the visas. So, it is a guessing game and the time line is very fluid. This is a nightmare for a Type A personality, like me!
After school I was finally able to log in to the Department of State website and complete the DS-260. Finally, all of our paperwork was in transit via cyberspace or Fed Ex and all that was left to do was pack and pray that everything was processed in time for a June 21st departure! I turned my attention to wrapping up my school year, so that I could leave early: 250 progress reports, APPR SLO and Achievement data to report, CFA results to turn in, 4th and 5th grade Chorus Concert, and a Flag Day sing along, all had to happen this week! With a lot of help from friends at school and a couple of 14 hour work days, it all got done!

On the adoption front, we went to AT&T and set up international calling and texting plans and filed for the professional days we had earned this year, as well as the 10 adoption days available to us in our contract. On Wednesday, we got an email confirmation that the National Visa Center had approved our visas and that they were in the mail! We also met up with some of the other couples from FANA who had recently adopted and picked their brains about traveling and staying in Bogotá.
Many thanks to the Pogodzinskis for hosting this gathering- just another display of the amazing circle of support surrounding Eli's adoption.

Our passports/visas arrived on Thursday, June 12th! I also had my spring concert at Holmes that day and we attended the airport arrival party for another FANA family, the Tierney's who adopted little Sara and were coming home.

Friday, after work, we attended the opening night performance of "Cole!" This was the musical review we were supposed to perform in, but had to leave the cast due to the timing of our referral and travel. It was great to see how the show had come together and we were so proud of our friends, Beth Gerardi Wharton, producer, and Cindy Ripley, director!

Saturday was the Holden Family Baby Shower! What fun! My sister-in-law Kelly Holden, Jamie's mom, Cheryl, and our family friends, the Ripleys, did an amazing job decorating and finding creative ways to incorporate the adorable travel/airplane motif. It was so nice to catch up with family and celebrate our newest addition to the Holden family. Once again, we were greeted with a wealth of gifts and well wishes. We feel so incredibly blessed. That evening my parents delivered some more furniture for the nursery and Jamie and I spent the evening washing all of Eli's new clothes, putting gifts away, and rearranging the furniture repeatedly, trying to find just the right fit. What an amazing day!

Sunday, June 15th- Father's Day!!!
We were down to Eldred, PA for lunch with four fantastic fathers. My husband, my father, my grandfather, and my brother-in-law.  We were also able to spend some quality time with my grandmother, who has not been well, before leaving the country. We were home by dinner time and finished the evening with an impromptu "Claremont Clan" neighborhood Bon Voyage party hosted by the McConnell/Madill family. Another wonderful day! Jamie was all smiles, all day long, as he celebrated his first Father's Day as a dad and anticipated holding his son for the first time, in less than 10 days!